فرمولی برای پیش بینی آینده رابطه زوجین

فرمولی برای پیش بینی آینده رابطه زوجین

ویلیام کارلین گلسر در کتاب «ازدواج بدون شکست» فرمول جالبی را برای پیش بینی میزان موفقیت یک ازدواج ارایه می دهند.

آنها نیازهای اصلی انسان را به پنج دسته بقا، عشق، قدرت، آزادی، و تفریح تقسیم می کنند و هرکدام از این موارد را براساس مقیاس ۵تایی در زن و مرد به صورت مجزا می سنجند.

نیمرخ حاصل از این ارزیابی، راهنمایی خوبی برای پیش بینی آینده ازدواج آنها خواهد بود.

برای روشن شدن مطلب، پنج نیاز اصلی به این صورت شرح داده می شود:

۱ – بقا : محتاطانه عمل کردن؛ اهمیت دادن به سلامتی، تغذیه و ورزش؛ اهمیت دادن به رابطه زناشویی.
۲ – عشق : محبت دیدن و محبت کردن؛ کلام محبت آمیز؛ صمیمیت جسمی و رفتاری.
۳ – قدرت : توانمند بودن و قدرت را در دست داشتن؛ مطرح بودن؛ ریاست کردن.
۴ – آزادی : پایبند و اسیر نبودن؛ آزادی در تصمیم گیری برای زندگی؛ انتخاب های آزادانه؛ روابط آزاد.
۵ – تفریح : بازی کردن؛ لذت بردن از زندگی و انجام فعالیت های لذت بخش؛ شوخی و خنده؛ پارک و سینمارفتن.

ویلیام و کارلین گلسر معتقدند نیاز افراد به هریک از این ۵ مورد، متفاوت است و تنها کسانی می توانند یک زندگی مشترک موفق داشته باشند که نیازهای آنها در هریک از این ۵ دسته به هم نزدیک باشد.

مثلا کسی که نیاز به بقای او از مقیاس ۵تایی، ۵ باشد، یعنی شخص بسیار محتاطی است که به سلامت و تغذیه اش و همچنین به رابطه عاطفی با همسرش اهمیت زیادی می دهد و چنین فردی در ازدواج با کسی که این نیاز در او مثلا در حد ۲ است و بنابراین در این زمینه بی قیدتر است، دچار مشکل می شود،شما و همسرتان می توانید میزان نیازتان را در هریک از این ۵ دسته مشخص کنید و به ترتیب از چپ به راست بنویسید: ۱۲۳۴۵. نیمرخ هایی که از این طریق به دست می آید به راحتی قابل مقایسه و نتیجه گیری است؛ مثلا ۵۵۳۵۴ با ۲۳۲۵۳ رابطه خوبی نخواهد داشت، اما با ۵۴۴۵۴ رابطه ای نسبتا خوب را تجربه می کند.

ویلیام و کارلین گلسر معتقدند اختلاف تنها ۱ تا حداکثر ۲ درجه آن هم در یکی یا در نهایت دو تا از این ۵ مورد می تواند رابطه خوبی را شکل دهد، اما اختلاف بیش از این می تواند مشکل آفرین شود و هرچه میزان این اختلاف بیشتر باشد، احتمال شکست ازدواج هم بیشتر خواهد شد.

البته این نکته بسیار اهمیت دارد که سنجش ها باید بسیار دقیق و همچنین صادقانه انجام شود تا نتیجه قابل اعتمادی به دست آید.

“ازدواج بدون شکست” فصل نهم شدت نیازها
نوشته: ویلیام گلسر و کارلین گلسر
ترجمه: دکتر علی صاحبی

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