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تفکر غلطی درگذشته وجود داشت که: « کودک با یک بزرگسال تفاوتی ندارد.» بر اساس این باور غلط، والدین از کودکیشان توقع رفتارهای بالغانه داشتند. این در حالی بود که کودک فاقد ابزارهای بزرگسالی است و قادر نیست بسیاری از انتظارات ما را برآورده کند. واقعیت کودک این است که ابزارهای کودک شامل حس، هوش و تخیل است و تا ۷ سالگی «تعقل» وجود ندارد و ما نیاز داریم زبان کودکمان را بیاموزیم چرا که زبان بزرگسال با زبان کودک متفاوت است. و در صورتیکه ما با زبان بزرگسال با کودکمان صحبت کنیم او متوجه نمیشود. به خوبی می دانیم که هرگاه انتظار و توقع ما، منطبق بر واقعیت نباشد، فاصله ما بینشان را خشم پر می کند و خشم رابطه ما و کودکمان را خدشهدار میکند.
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